Are the things that people say in anger their true feelings? Or are they just mean things said in the heat of the moment? I admit, I have a very vicious, very nasty tongue when I'm mad. I cut deep and quick with my words. And, it's usually just things said in the heat of the moment. This happens with my dear hubby more than anyone else. On more than one occasion, I've felt horrible afterwards and needed to apologize for my nastiness. I may be stubborn, but when I've been an ass, I admit that I was an ass and apologize. Do most people? I'm curious because I expect an apology from a co-worker on Monday. We had a verbal altercation yesterday morning, and it wasn't pretty.
She has been mad at me for two weeks now over little things. I guess those little things snowballed and yesterday morning she let me have it. Wow, did she let me have it. She said some very nasty, unprofessional and down-right hurtful things. I'm a big girl, I put my big girl panties on and dealt with it. There was nothing else I could do. I argued with her some, but I could tell she wasn't going to hear anything that I had to say. I gave up and let her berate and belittle me. If that's what she needed to do to feel better, than go ahead, knock yourself out. She was ugly. And, I think what upset me more than anything is that I genuinely care and have concern for her. We're not best friends, but we do get along. We vent to each other about other offices, our supervisors, etc. We have (had) a good working relationship, or so I thought. And, it kills me that I've defended her on several occasions. When people make fun of her obnoxious laugh, I've told them to be nice. She's rather flighty sometimes, (we've had the fax machine for over four years, yet I have to tell her every single time which way to load the paper, and there are people that have worked with the county for years, and she has no clue what their name is when they come in the office) and she makes mistakes (don't we all?) but overall, she does a great job. I've told her this, I've told other people this. I like her. I care about her. And, that's why I'm so upset about our exchange of words yesterday. I would never say the things that she did. Or attack her personally. She made a very nasty jab that had nothing to do with work at all! It was extremely inappropriate, and in other offices I know that I could turn her in for harassment. I'm not going to do that though. I know she was angry.
I really think all her anger wasn't at me, but something else, I just happened to be the one that she unloaded everything on. I know that she was very snippy with another from another department, but he didn't get nearly the beating that I did.
I couldn't sleep last night. I kept thinking about yesterday, replaying the whole conversation over and over. So, at 5am, I emailed her. I told her that I was sorry for getting her so upset, that I truly cared about her and her feelings, and that I expect an apology from her for crossing the line yesterday. I wonder if she'll apologize or not? I wonder how our work environment will be now? I guess we'll see on Monday. Until then, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm gong to enjoy my weekend with soccer games, and friends.
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